Random Naruto Pairings! :D
by eatcatbuffet
Summary: Ranging from cute fluff to the weirdest, crack headed pairings in the Narutoverse! NaruHina ItaTema NaruMizu HidanAnko ShikaTema InoChou KimiTayu and more! by eatcatbuffet!
1. Family

_**Saladshla:**__ For __**Random Naruto Pairings**__! My first chapter really, and I want to dedicate it to firefly, who is absolutely fcking badass. Yeah, fcking, because here in Belgium people say FA-king. Anyway, I've been stocking up on her latest and oldest Naruto stories, and have been thinking about some stuff in her story Sky Runs Red. It's so, so.. Thrilling, so unique, and it really grips you with it's amazing detail and apocalyptic-ness! Simply love it. Contribution to her fic! 3 _

Pairing : Temari and Itachi

Subject : Family

Temari sighed and sunk into a lone chair, the wooden hinges creaking from it's age, body exhausted from Maru's recent teething problem. She closed her teal eyes and ran a hand through dirty blonde locks. She felt Itachi's analytical gaze swoop over her and tiredly cracked an eye open to give him a bit of a bemused side glance.

"He's a fast grower." He said, ruby eyes moving to the closed battered door at the end of the room where the baby was now napping.

Temari adjusted her posture in the chair and sat up straighter, hands straightening creases in her trousers. "I'd put him around six or seven months now, but I'm not exactly a professional. Babies can start to teethe at three months."

Itachi probably found no usefulness in her information or apparently decided not to show any outward emotion, because he didn't immediately reply.

He opened his mouth and seemed to mull over his reply before speaking. " ... It usually depends on how fast the mother and father teethed themselves when they were younger."

Temari found herself emitting a soft hum in return, pondering on how he got such information. She knew that as an ANBU at the age of thirteen he must have had come into contact with countless snippets of stray information, but the randomness of his stray bit of information still left her curious.

She lifted her gaze from her feet to him, lips parting to ask. But Itachi's mouth was already open to speak. "My aunt studied medical infant care." Was all he said, seemingly calculating her next response. She hummed again and looked at her feet again, too apathetic to really do anything.

It was midday, from the way that the sun shone, and gave Temari about six more hours to rest and scout for food before she had to return to the cover the basement provided from the moon.

"Temari,"

"Hm?" She hummed back at him, eyes still looking at the sunbeams coming through the razor thin gaps in the floorboards above them.

"Do you ever think about what it would be like?"

"Hm."

They both knew what he was asking about, even though they pretend not to, they'd thought about it nearly every single waking moment since the purge. How life would have been if Naruto and the Hachibi had survived. How Madara's plans would have fallen to ruins and how life would have been if nothing had ever been real. How they would have never met. How Maru would have lived with his real family with his full name, and not the last four letters of it. How Temari would have finally gone on that long promised date with Shikamaru ...

"Always," She murmured into her knuckles, elbow on the armrest, slightly slouched out in the chair. Her spread legs stretched out in front of herself, heels digging into the ground.

"All the time?"

She nodded, then echoed his words, muffled, eyes becoming cloudy. "All the time."

She turned to him and absently caressed her midsection, where a former Suna trooper mate had slashed across her skin with her tanto. "What about you?"

Itachi's sclera looked a certain light grey in the sunlight. "I would have been able to change nothing. I am already dead, Temari."

The young woman felt like grinding her teeth together. Itachi's ruby eyes held an air of smugness in it, as if he knew that she knew that he'd rile her up if he responded in that monotone way.

"I knew that Madara would use my body after Sasuke killed me, so I set up a counter genjutsu. That was the end of my life." She gave him a look, a stare or a gaze, she didn't know. But she just felt the urge to analyse and commit everything about the remarkable man in front of her to memory. The way his face looked chalk white in the sun. How his eyes wrinkled as he gave Maru a small curl of the lips as she fed him. How his face looked so worn and old. How he was so wise and intelligent.

"Maybe," He said softly, arm sticking out of his cloak, thoughts turning introspective. "I would have changed the way Sasuke lived. Made it more clear which path not to walk."

His red eyes with the passive tomoe flicked to her, and Temari gulped as the question was shot back at her.

"I guess that I would have helped Gaara, before everything. He's suffered so much, Naruto really changed him." The man also seemed to think so, because he also let out a long suffering sigh and stared at the ceiling.

"You changed me."

Itachi blinked and looked at her, black eyebrows angled and surprised. His mouth parted slightly. She had caught him unawares.

"How?" He glanced at the door leading to the bedroom, to Maru. She caught his look.

"I hadn't seen or heard hide nor hair of anything untainted for twenty-nine days, then suddenly found a baby in a survival basement. At that moment the only thing that kept me alive was Maru. And then when I'm at my wits end, you suddenly appear, and I'm trekking the globe with you. And," She faltered a bit, looking at her knees and feeling some heat in her cheeks. "And I kind of started to feel good, yeah? I, I wasn't utterly alone anymore. I felt, ... Better. Like family. Better than family."

Itachi didn't respond. There wasn't a need to. A somewhat peaceful silence settled over them, Temari occasionally going and checking if the baby was awake or not.

"Do you think that we'll ever find anyone else?" He blinked at her question when she plopped down in her seat again, holding Maru and shaking the milk formula in her other hand.

He studied her for a short while as she fed the infant. "Maybe," He said, as her fringe fell in her eyes as she turned to look at him, Maru eagerly holding the bottle and guzzling the contents. "There's got to be other survivors," It sounded like an unspoken plea, or a desperate hope. Temari nodded. "They're most likely hidden away in shelters."

"Like this one," She said.

Itachi nodded. "Like this one." He echoed.

A new hope lit up in her heart. It could be that Gaara and Kankuro were in one of them right now, wondering endlessly where she was at the moment too.

But she knew deep down that she was just clinging to an idea, an illusion.

But feeling Maru wriggle in her arms and grope his fat little fingers at Itachi, bottle long finished, she knew that her life right now was real.

But that the one she led right now, that was her family, and much more.


	2. Choke

**Choke by eatcatbuffet**_ (formerly known as Cross Kid)_

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><p><em><span>Saladshla:<span>__ For __**Random Naruto Pairings**__!  
>:'D I don't really know, why does everyone look so hot when they're being<br>shoved around and just keep being beaten into the ground and cry out in pain?  
>Hmm. So here's a pairing! Short, I know, but I think that if I went any further,<br>it would make the story lose it's special muse. ;.;_

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><p><strong>Pairing :<strong> Mizuki and Naruto

**Subject :** Choke

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><p>There was something inappropriately arousing about how the younger man's throat slotted nicely into his hand, and how his bright blue eyes were fading and rolling up into his head. His mouth was wide open and his constricted throat was gurgling obscenities, coughing and spluttering, a lone trail of saliva trailing down his chin and onto his fingers. Mizuki paid no heed to his scratching nails and scrabbling legs, his eye was cast on how the younger one's hair shone so nicely and brightly in the dim light.<p>

His lips and cheeks were bright pink, and yet his face was turning so pale. Maybe Mizuki could keep him as a plaything? No, he decided, tightening his grip on the boy's throat, he would keep him as a slave, something disposable at the last minute.

Naruto choked and dangled in the air, slowly dying. His eyes were wide and adrenaline was coursing through his body, never in his life had he been so scared. He felt so betrayed, his favourite, most sympathetic, kind teacher confessed that he hated his guts and had lunged so suddenly at him that he had no time to react as a pair of hands encircled his neck and pulled him clean off the ground.

Mizuki smiled at the young man's face. He was choking so badly, as if his dick was gagging his throat instead of his hands. He was already nursing a semi, by the way. Maybe he could make the blonde's gagging more realistic...

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><p><em><strong>Ps: I also take requests! <strong>_


	3. Tuberculosis

**saladshla**: Just a quick notice for everyone; **I'm changing my name** to _eatcatbuffet_, so when you search me up as _KagayakuBoshi_, you won't find nada. Also, because I'm silly, my author's notes will be placed under 'saladshla' mm'kay? :) minor TayuKimi for you all. Minor swearing.

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><p><strong>Tuberculosis<strong> by eatcatbuffet

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><p>Machines beep. Clocks tick. His breathing pump goes up and down. The assistant's pen scribbles haphazardly over the paper. The fluid bag on his left drips more glucose into his veins.<p>

Click. Tok. Flick.

Kimimaro's bed sheets rustled, he moved and bent his knee around, did not want to end up with a pair of half asleep legs. It doesn't matter if he's out of action for the moment, but as a loyal ninja to Orochimaru, he felt the need to be prepared to jump from his bed and kneel by his master's feet at any time.

The doctor tuts at something he's written and crossed his notes out. The pen scratched the surface, irritating Kimimaro. _Scccrrrrtch_.

Bip. Bip. Beep.

His monitor beeps as his heart spurts more blood through his body at a faster rate. The doctor is alarmed. He doesn't have to do much else to aggravate him before Kimimaro kills him. He leans forward, propped himself up with his elbow.

"Hey now Kimimaro-sama! You need to rest!" the doctor sets his notepad down and scurries to the side of his bed. All it took Kimimaro was to push his elbow socket out of the way and shove the blunt edge of his forearm bone through the man's throat. The man gasped and fell to the floor with a crumpled thump, spraying some of the covers crimson.

The doctor's ballpoint pen rolled from the slope of his seat and clattered to the floor.

Kimimaro is indifferent. Orochimaru-sama will understand. He only wants to serve his master to the fullest, not sit in the sickbay. His dull grey eyes turn to the person leaning against the doorframe.

Tayuya's body outlines are lit up by the green light's from his monitor and the other floating tubes in the room. Her arms are crossed, face casual as she eyed the corpse on the floor.

"You know, maybe it wasn't so good to kill'm, what with him being the one to prescribe the drugs and all, fucktard." she quipped.

He didn't react, just wanted to observe. She was overly rude, but as long as she knew where her loyalties lay, he'd put up with her. Tayuya's black eyes looked a luminous lime in the dark light. Tayuya and her drugs, being addicted to them would stand in the way of serving Orochimaru. She walked into the room, roused. She stopped in front of his bed, standing in the various puddles of blood.

"Though I do like the colour of those sheets, ..." she leered with interest. She eyed the covers and then glanced at his face. "Though you do know that if I hadn't bothered to check up on your sorry ass you wouldn't have gotten your sodding meds right?"

Kimimaro gave her a pointed look. Held his hand out to her. Didn't say anything. Not an order, not a beg. Tayuya sighed and shoved a thick packet of blue and white pills into his hand. He hoped that she didn't notice how the heart monitor's noise picked up when her fingers brushed and rubbed against his as she handed the medication to him.

"Fuck you." she grumbled. "If it weren't for me you'd be fucking _dead_ yeah? _Dead_. Fucking. Stone. Cold. _Dead._"

It wasn't a threat. Kimimaro knew that she'd come, always did. Though it didn't justify why he had to kill the doctor nearly every single time. As she was about to turn and leave, whipping his face with some red strands of hair, he gripped her hand, so she couldn't move away. She stared at him long and hard, waiting for him to say something. He wouldn't hold her if he wasn't going to do anything, because then she'd swear up a fucking storm, like she'd do with the fatso.

"Anytime," He said, with somewhat of a wry smirk on his face. "bitch."

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><p><em>"Ooh that settles it corpse-boy! This is fucking <em>on_!"  
><em>


	4. Blindfolded

**Blindfolded** by eatcatbuffet _Formerly known as Cross Kid)_

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><p><em><span>Saladshla:<span>_ _God, blindfolds are sexxxyy! Like, Sasu-sexy y'know?  
>But I wonder what a blindfold would look like on Hinata-chan, hnn?<br>Or how about Naruto with one? Hurr hurr. ;} And some uke-ness?  
>Hurr, yaoi senses are tingling! For Random Naruto Pairings! :D<br>Kind of sad NaruHina_

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><p><span>Pairing :<span> Naruto and Hinata

Subject : Blindfold (and Sakura)

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><p>He shakily entered her tent, lower lip worried between his teeth, eyebrows knitted together. "Hinata?" He called tentatively, softly. His voice was swallowed in the folds of the tent. "Can, ... Can I come in?"<p>

He heard her shift in her covers, and caught a glimpse of some shiny black locks and grey skin. Hinata inclined her head, silently beckoning him in her small cocoon. He gulped and stepped in further, closing the flaps behind himself and kicking off his shoes. He went down on his knees and carefully shuffled closer, until Hinata's tone turned disgruntled and he abruptly stopped a few feet away from her side. He waited for a minute, waiting for her to wait for him.

She opened her mouth. "What is it?" He felt like wincing at her tone, so blunt and vice-like, it sent shivers down his spine and burning heat to his cheeks. He didn't know why he was blushing though, but wasn't going to voice his thoughts out loud to her either. His hands fisted the fabric of his trousers in distress. Not that he really _was _distressed, but, ... Y'know. He was worried for her, yeah?

"How are you doing?" He flinched at his question and quickly tried correcting himself. "I mean, I wanna know how you're feeling. Um, well, ... Yeah." He faltered under her annoyed silence. Even though there was some manky and old bandaging around her eyes, it still felt like she was giving him a flat stare. "You want to know if I've gone blind yet." She said, voice flat, his ears catching a whisper of annoyance and irritation at the tip of her tongue for the first time. He quickly shook his head from side to side, vigorously, hands making cancelling motions, faintly surprised that his head hadn't ripped itself from the socket yet in his haste to make things better.

He suddenly felt like an idiot, waving his hands around like a motor propeller, at someone that was slowly losing sight- if a cure didn't come fast enough.

"Of- _Of course not!_ I would never ever do something like that! What gave you that idea?"

Apparently she didn't want to answer, or she just wasn't bothered with him. Her silence hurt him. She was annoyed, he could tell from her body language. She breathed in, sharp and agitated, probably pissed off at something. Her head turned to him, torso turning to face him fully. Behind the bandages, her eyebrows furrowed and creased the cloth. "Tell me Naruto, what do you see in Sakura?"

Naruto couldn't answer, just gaped at her, shocked. It infuriated her. "I mean, really? What is she to you?"

His eyes narrowed and he swallowed a snarl. If Hinata wanted to play it like this, then fine, she'd get it. He'd show her anger. "The _world_," He growled, sharp teeth white in the slight darkness. "she means _the world_ to me."

He knew that he'd hurt her with that answer, but she wanted a fight, so, no strings attached, it's not his fault. He turned his head to the side, feeling a bitter aftertaste, pretending not to see how she had bit her lip and frowned under the cloth.

"And what are you to _her_?"

Her question had his head snapping towards her face like a magnet, eyes narrowed and face scowling. Any previous doubts and insecurities vanished within seconds.

"I am her teammate, her, her FRIEND!" His tone rose steadily, louder and louder. "I'm someone special to her, not, .. Not some sort of disposable piece of shi- _THING_!" He blurted, anger and tension making his tongue loose.

Hinata kept on staring at him, frown deepening.

"Well, according to the gossip that I've heard, you're nothing more than a friend, Naruto."

The blond wanted to interject, _'so that's what YOU hear in the gossip club huh?'_ but was cut off.

"I think it's funny, you know? How even though you run after her like a lovesick schoolboy, she's never bothered to clarify anything to you -_apart from her FIST_!"

"AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW-!"

Hinata slammed into him, and suddenly his headband was pulled over his eyes, Hinata's nails against his cheek.

"How would you like to feel, when you know someone who has nothing, and yet you have everything?" They struggled against each other. Her breath was hot against his face. "But how you still hurt inside, and feel selfish because of that?" He squirmed under her, not seeing anything. The darkness was infuriating. Hinata was infuriating.

"Let me go!" He snarled at her. But she ignored him, shaking his shoulders about.

"And how you love that person, who you can't go near, and how when you manage to get close to them, they just completely ignore you?" Hinata's voice was quite deranged, mechanic, ragged.

"_I said let go of me!_"

Hinata was maddened, above him, in the darkness.

"How you love them, but they just don't even notice anything more about you than being somebody in the crowd?"

Hinata's lips devoured him, and her hands hurt his shoulders. He couldn't do anything to stop her. She shoved him down, hard.

"And how'd it feel, if you saw that person throw themselves, time after time, at a person who blatantly doesn't give a damn for them!"

"I SAID LET GO OF ME!"

"_HOW'D IT FEEL!_"

And she slapped him, right across the face, right where it hurt most.

And then he felt it, all her hurt, and that anger, and the conflict in her brain. (and that love, but she'd pushing it down, so not to hurt her anymore.) How it must've confused her so, messed with her mind, her priorities. He understood that 'that person' was him.

He understood that now that he knew, she'd never give herself to him, even if it tore her apart. She wanted to make him suffer like he unwittingly made her suffer. Be left out in the dark, while their special someone made a fool of them self by trying to get a date with someone who clearly doesn't deserve them.

And how he'd be blindfolded for the rest of his life, chasing after something that had already escaped him.

Above him, Hinata let out a small, stifled whimper of pain.

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><p><em><strong>Ps: I take requests! <strong>_


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